Monthly Archives: May 2013

Ode to Sausage Roll

Today you were brought to me by a Rose

You tasted bad for me but I ate you anyway

By bad for me I really mean very very good

The bag you came in is now a little bit see-through

I thought about primary school canteens and rainy days while I was eating you

I thought about that pump class I did yesterday and how it totally justifies eating you now and also because I went to have muesli but I had only a spoonful left and the other muesli I bought is still at home.

So really, I HAD to have you or I would die of hunger

I thought about how you will probably give me heartburn later and about how if pastry was just a food on it’s own that I would just eat that.

You are gone now.

I made the most of you

Three small bites out of your tail end when I could have just had one bite. I made you count.

Your crumbs were in the see-through bag. I should have screwed them up with the bag but instead I tipped the bag up and slid your fatty golden brown slivers into my open mouth.

I know how to treat you.

All that remains of you now are the specs of pastry on my face and the bits in my scarf. 

Don’t worry, I won’t shake them out for at least another 15 minutes when they start to bug me.

I spoke too soon little sausage roll, the front desk needed attending – your remains were hastily brushed from my face and violently shaken from my scarf in order to talk to the DHL man (who, by the way looks a little tired and unkempt today – I suspect a relationship issue).

It’s my job, sausage roll. I’m not sorry I wanted to look presentable.

I am sorry you are gone though.

I will only ever think of you fondly.

Goodbye SR.

What advertising taught me today

I just watched a commercial for Nivea for men and this is what I learned (p.s it was forced watching as it plays in between Words With Friends goes):

1 – if you wear Nivea deodorant for men, you will be able to win Who wants to be a millionaire. Fact.

2 – if you wear Nivea deodorant for men, you will not sweat under the arms which means when you win WWTBAM and throw your arms up, you won’t be faced with the embarrassment of having pit stains on your lightly coloured shirt

3 – if you wear Nivea deodorant for men, while you are winning WWTBAM, throwing your arms up with excitement and not getting embarrassed, you will also have a babe throwing herself into your arms (also with excitement but without any arm throwing or pit stains because she probably wears Nivea for woman) in a congratulatory fashion. She is your partner and you obviously have her because you wear Nivea deodorant for men. 

Certainly not the work of Don Draper…mmmmmm….Image

Requested topic: One thing in my life I haven’t mastered (and would like to)

Thanks to Paper and Lace, here is a small blog on the above topic:

Can I pick more than one thing? There are things about my personality I wish I could better: thinking too much, being less bitter and judgmental  being more accepting of others (to name a  few) – but as it’s hard to master a personality trait as such, maybe I’ll stick with something more tangible. My personality is a constant work in progress, as I’m sure we all are. Unless you’re perfect already – then well done! I’m probably not likely to be friends with you, you’re probably not likely to be reading this…

I digress.

The one thing in my life I haven’t mastered (and would like to) is: Cooking. I LOVE to cook. I love to cook for myself, I love to cook for others, I love to cook for the wider masses and for just my husband. I love to see a face scrunch up in delight and hear the sound of “mmmmmm” after a bite of something I cooked. I love the multi-tasking, the process, the instructions and the room for a touch of my input, seeing a bunch of things be made into one. I even secretly like the cleaning up – seeing something go from messy dirty to squeaky clean is a bit satisfying for me. 

I have worked in hospitality but wasn’t that into cooking, it’s slowly progressed into a passion in the last few years. I learned I was actually quite good at it and that sharing food with someone is heart warming and makes me feel wanted and included and fuzzy inside. And I’m not so great at the small talk, it makes me feel like I’m lying or something, so when I throw a dinner party it’s nice to have an excuse to not be talking to people because I’m busy in the kitchen. I like the company and the banter that happens around the table because it’s more comfortable, natural and genuine than the small talky portion of the evening. I skip that part by hiding in the kitchen and sending husband out to be hostess with the mostest.

I am a basic home cook, there are things I can do really well and favour mine over others I’ve tried, but I am not amazing. By no stretch of the imagination. I would like to be close to amazing but I know I need formal training. I can’t wait to have the sharpest of knives and an apron and a few different sized whisks. I look forward to confidently knowing all the different techniques of cutting and slicing and being able to do it with speed. I want to be able to make many kinds of sauces with the basic of knowledge. But most of all, I look forward to doing something for a living that I truly enjoy. I want to master the art of cooking in order to work for myself because at the end of the day, I am not a follower, I am a leader. I want to be my own boss and have a go at being accountable for everything. I want to at least try to successfully run a business.

I want to master cooking.

fridge magnet phrases from current tags

Akarua cats in central otago drink coffee while cooking dogs and eating Facebook foodfriendsfunfunny fun run past gluten free shop. google health and heart disease for husband as his indecision makes kittens. in love marriage and movies while drinking Mt Difficulty and downloading music from new zealandpaleo dieter finds paleolithic pinot gris in Queenstownrain and rainbow seen runningsex with sex and the city and sheep then sleep while smoking from stress. bring on summer weather weekend weekends wine but not work. The end

Things up coming

As I drink my #6 strength Nespresso coffee and wait for my hot muesli to cool down, I procrastinate doing my work by listening to music on You Tube. I always listen to  “you tube mix” because I am terrible at thinking of music to listen to. I always seem to default to Deftones or Fleetwood Mac. Anyway, during an earlier play list, the start of my songs were interrupted by ads of the new movie “The Great Gatsby” which I really want to see! The trailer gets me every time and you really can’t go wrong with Leo. To be honest, I didn’t actually know who or what the GG was so I googled, naturally. Wikipedia told me it was a book – which I feel like I kind of knew – and that it was about a guy who becomes intrigued with his lavish neighbour; Set in the 20’s I think, on Long Island and with undertones of being cautious of the American dream. It all sounded good to me! And I love going to the movies. It’s crazy pricey these days here in NZ – movies come out so quick you might as well buy a big screen tele and wait for it to come out on DVD – but the movies are neat. Especially in tiny boutique cinemas. Those are the best.

So, this is an upcoming movie. Something to look forward to. It got me thinking of other upcoming things. I shall share, in no particular order:

  • moving out of our flat on Saturday – we were politely asked to leave. Now, I know that sharing that is not painting me and husband in the greatest light. But in our defence, we are an old married couple (ripe old late 20s old) and don’t drink to excess 2+ nights a week anymore, we are quiet and considerate and we likes what we likes. We are not uptight, stuffy or prudish. We go out, we socialise, we even drink and do naughty things on the odd occasion, with people we choose to be around. This conflicts with the current flatties who like to drink, in excess, make noise in the wee hours (including those of the sesual nature…with their DOOR OPEN!! ok, so that was only once, so far, but still… gross) and just be single in general. So yeah, they said a couple had “changed the dynamic” and it wasn’t working. Fair enough, we were only there because it’s cheap. I was a bit devastated as being asked to leave an abode is never the nicest, but it was all amicable and polite etc. We have found a place with a friends ma just a couple blocks that way and we look forward to the uninterrupted small hours of the morn and general peace and quiet.
  • What else, oh yes, above mentioned friend’s birthday this Friday – an excuse to drink in excess and prove current flatmates wrong. Even though they won’t be there to see it, I can, and will, party with the best of them. I’ll be in bed by at least midnight. Rock on!
  • The Banff Mountain Film Festival in Hamiltron, city of the future – 29th June. We went last year and it was AWESOME. Real life, amateur, outdoor films made by really amazing people, not the usual rental from United Video. And by the way, when you DO want to rent such a film – where the bloody hell do you get it? DVD stores these days have a real lack in outdoor amateur films. Is this a niche market? Do I need to learn to be geekier to find and illegally download stuff online?
  • Man, this coffee is good…
  • What else, what else…? Finding out whether Scotty can stay in NZ – only 17 more days til his current visa runs out. Ooooh last minute much? I guess I don’t really look forward to finding out as such, only if the news is good – then yes, very much looking forward to that. If it’s bad, then not looking forward to sending him back to Canada. How can they not let him stay? If you read this and you work for NZ immigration and you’re processing my husband’s application – take into consideration that only a crazy person would go to the lengths of setting up a blog to write about her life and constantly mention her husband to convince immigration that he was really her husband because one day he might put in an application to stay in the country. I am not that person. Crazy yes. Dumb? No. He is real, he really needs to stay so I don’t spend the next five months a bit empty. 
  • My sister having a baby. She is SO pregnant! She lives in Melbourne so I only saw her at the start of the year when she had a barely pregnant belly. She pops out the sprog at the beginning of July and I wlll be an Aunty for the first time. Not much of a baby person, but then when it’s family, I guess it’s different. And by the time I can visit, the little one will be less of a squiggly, mini deer in the headlights and much more enjoyable to be around. Now to find a present…

That’s all I can think of right now. As an after thought, do you like the way these blog entries end up just being about nothing really? To me it seems it’s only a useful blog if you know me in real life  and maybe want to keep up to date with my off the cuff persona. I’d like to know what you are up to, even if I don’t know you in real life. Tell me.