Tag Archives: indecision

run for fun (if not for anything else)

There’s a fun run tomorrow that I just heard about. I’m not usually a runner. I can run, I do run, but I’m not like “yeah! running! woo! let’s ALL do it! keeps us fit and young and virile and woo! running!” But this is a fun run. If they put the word “fun” in front of anything, I’m likely to want to do it.

There is a 5km, a 10km and a half marathon. It’s part of the front runner series that runs all through winter and wraps up end of November. There’s $30,000 worth of spot prizes and about 450 entrants, on average. Pretty good odds for winning a neat spot prize. Almost worth it to go huff and puff in the sun for a half hour or so.

I haven’t been running for a few weeks now. However, I have been biking regularly, doing yoga and the other day I did some aerobics (80s I know, but I loved it!) I’m not so unfit that I couldn’t attempt a fun run. It also has the option to walk. I think I’ll mix it up, live dangerous like; run AND walk. Ooooh…such a dare devil.

BUT, and there’s always a but…I won’t have access to a car tomorrow as Scott takes it to work. In order to get to the race starting point I might have to hitch. If I rode my bike there,I’d be buggered by the time I arrived and too tired to run. So, it’s my excuse not to do it. It’s the only excuse. Is it a good enough excuse? This was only ever going to be a spontaneous thing – I literally only heard about it 20 minutes ago. It’s not like I’d been planning to do it for weeks and had been all organised and trained and bought new shoes and a new sports bra and was telling everyone I’d do it. Apart from me writing about it now, there’s been no build up.

Do I just dismiss it and not go? Or do I ask Scott if he’ll bike to work tomorrow so I can take the car and do myself a wee fun run? Hopefully he’ll read this today and tell me to take the car before I chicken out of asking. Not because he’s scary and he’d say no, but because the easy option is to not ask as if the fun run never existed along with the idea to do it.

I always think far too much about doing things to the point that I’ve thought about it so much in my head that it’s kind of like I’ve done it already and don’t actually need to do it. I’d feel quite good if I did do it. But would I feel bad enough if I didn’t do it? Probably not…

Hmmm…to run or not to fun?

Every two years

Yesterday I was having a chat with my oldest and dearest friend, Stacey, and she pointed out that she had nearly been at her job for two years. My reply was “wow, that’s flown by!” followed up by “I’ve never done anything for two years”. She said “you travelled for two years”. But technically, I didn’t. I “travelled” for about two months – hopping from place to place on my scrumptious, saved up Australian dollar. Travelling, for me, is when you don’t spend more than two weeks in one place. Or, you go to a place with the intention to move on after a short period of time, less than six months. For me, this intention stopped when I met Scott; the now husband.

I had planned on going from the UK to Europe to the UK, to New York, through America to Canada for a year – Vancouver for six months, Toronto the other six months, with a road trip through Canada on the way. Then onto South America or India and Sri Lanka, onto South East Asia and back to New Zealand to study Acting for Screen and Theatre. This of course didn’t pan out as I fell in love in Vancouver and that became my main focus. Which was absolutely fine, things change. And I always said I would only ever stay in one place if I found love. Awwww…..

Anyway…The point is, I have never done anything for more than two years. I am unable to commit to anything. I’m committed to not being committed. I want to be committed, honest, I just haven’t found anything to be committed to. Except maybe Scott, if he’s lucky! 😉

Here is a list of things I have not committed to for longer than a year:

  • becoming a performer – this is still a work in progress. The timing has never worked out (just an excuse?)
  • writing a blog – the last one to document my travels
  • any job. ever.
  • any house I’ve lived in – possibly circumstantial but since I left home (9.5 years ago) I’ve stayed in only one city, for more than two years – here’s lookin’ at you Auckland!
  • studying – I studied Media Arts communication for five months before having to commit to a 3 year long program which I didn’t want a bar of. Saying I’d NEVER study again, three years later I wanted to be a naturopath so I gave that a whirl, for about five months before I discovered I should see a naturopath, not be one
  • healthy eating – still a work in progress as well, I guess. It’s on and off but overall I aim for it
  • having a pet – two cats have been “donated” to the SPCA because I was unable to look after them. It’s not that I didn’t want to look after them, it was because they were strays to begin with and had things happening to them that would’ve cost me lots of money to fix. I wormed them, I fed them, I gave them away.
  • surfing – super excited when I first started, got a wetsuit… and nothing else. I had visions of me in a station wagon, boards on the roof racks, a dog complete with tongue out the window, cruising to the beach for early morning surfs, after work surfs, weekend road trips with all my new surfing amigos…but alas…

You get the point.

The only real thing, that you could count, and I know this is a stretch: growing my hair out. I’ve been growing my hair out for YEARS! It got cut short when I was about 12 or 13 and since then it’s been mid length once, in dreads twice and cropped short again. Now it’s about mid way down my back and in the worst condition! I have split ends that have split ends, about 10cm of regrowth and the ends are dry and awful. I’d have got it cut but can’t quite afford the $75+ it costs to get a trim these days! It gets caught under my armpits, it takes forever to wash, it makes me hot when it’s down so all I really do with it is tie it up. It’s kind of a waste of a mane to be honest. So, in typical non-committal fashion, I’m thinking of chopping it off. Like, off off. Not quite shaved head off, but near enough. Can’t even commit to long hair.

Not committing to a career has been somewhat circumstantial; I’ve been “travelling” and also my marrying a Canadian and the consequential immigration palava that follows, has prohibited me from being able to settle in one place and think about what I really want to do.

Although there is no pressure from anyone to settle down, get a career and decide what I want to do forever and ever amen, I still feel the pressure every time I have to look for another job – my resume is shocking! I’ve basically done the same thing for the last few years in an administrative capacity but I’ve not stayed anywhere for longer than a year. I am what an employer would call “a progressive employee”. No, not an employee who is likely to progress through the business in an upwards fashion. Rather, an employee who will progress the heck outta here when they’ve learned the job and become complacent. I’m no employers dream. But the call of rent and food (and wine occasionally) forces me have to work these mundane jobs I’m more than capable of doing and it frustrates the hell out of me! It makes me realise I do want to commit to something so I can avoid this hop, skip and jump habit I’ve picked up. But what?! The not knowing seems to be more of an issue than the not committing.

Despite my circumstances, I ask myself and those of us who haven’t got a degree, chosen a career path, or somehow found a job we want to stick to – we’re nearly 30, what happened? Is it that we have too much choice these days that, when we do become complacent, we can simply pack up our desk and move on? So much choice that we don’t HAVE to commit to something? What is it that is causing this throw away attitude we have to picking a path and sticking to it?

I’m pretty sure it’s not just me… what do you think? Did life just get in the way of a career?