Tag Archives: sadness

I will NEVER like Radiohead

Never say never. I bloody love Radiohead when I’m feeling a bit “meh” and there are too many clouds in the sky. It suits my mood to listen to them and I find myself singing along and feeling all wrapped up in the melancholic meandering that it is.

I used to say I hated Radiohead. They depressed me. Thom Yorke was nothing spesh, not compared to the likes of Maynard James Keenan (lead singer of Tool) my favourite singer ever. I was 16. OK, maybe 19? I knew beautiful rock lead singer goodness when I heard it and no one was going to tell me any different. Not you, Tim I forget your last name, with your long hair and your tortured soul and your not so secret crush on your best mate’s bi-sexual girlfriend. You and your love of Dr Suess is not credible and this conversation is over.

In my mid 20s, I learned to love them. Today I feel a bit like there are too many clouds in the sky so who better to listen to than Radiohead? Surprisingly, it makes me feel better to listen to them. It used to make me feel SO depressed to hear even just the start of a song that wasn’t Creep. Because everyone likes Creep. It doesn’t even matter that it’s the most well known song from a band you “hate”. It’s good rock music etiquette to love that song.

Here is one of their bestest songs; such a good one to turn up really freakin’ loud and just wail along to…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKd06s1LNik&list=RD028nTFjVm9sTQ

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Sleep, love and cook books

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was snappy, tired, lacking energy, motivation and the will to carry on. OK  so the last part is a bit dramatic but I am SO over this job and just want it to be over.

I handed in my notice on the 1st of November, making my last day the 30th of November. I have two and a half weeks to go but I have seriously lost the will to do this job. My chair lacks foam cushioning so even just sitting here all day is a pain in the bum! Literally! And my employers are too cheap to invest in a decent chair for me as that was an investment they made quite some time ago and aren’t prepared to invest again any time soon because it’s not in their budget. Their staff are not really in their budget apart from our wages.

Anyway…hating is not helping.

I struggled through the day yesterday, longing to be outside in the glorious sunshine and 21 degrees mother nature was sharing with us. My breakfast smoothie tasted like plastic so I had to throw it out to then eat cornflakes and milk – both “no-no’s” on my paleo list. First fail. Then lunch was no better as the dressing I’m using is starting to taste like poison after having taken sugar out of my diet. This item has sugar in it and it cuts my taste buds! The egg for my lunch salad was not boiled to perfection and parts of it looked like mucus which made me want to gag with every mouthful. Second fail. The rest of the afternoon I felt like snapping at anyone that talked to me; I think I did well not to snap, actually. Small win. When I got home I put on my exercise clothes and prepared to do a Jillian Michaels workout but the computer is old and was struggling as much as I was to work. Third and final fail. So I gave up on that, cooked a piece of bacon and fried an egg, ate it and lay down on the couch, watching Rick Steins Mediterranean Adventures.  I heart that man – always something interesting to say. Though, he does look like a man who could snap at any minute…

An hour later I was asleep. I had slept fine the night before so realistically I shouldn’t have been tired. But I’m SO drained, mentally, physically and emotionally from this job. It’s stealing precious positivity from me and I resent the crap out of it! All I felt like doing yesterday was curling up and going to sleep and forgetting about the world. I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a symptom of depression! I’m not being OTT here, I don’t actually feel depressed but I am stressed which is leading to a bit of a Ctrl+Alt+delete situation. I’ve experienced this before and I get through it to the end but once it’s over, I crash. It’s not pretty.

BUT!!! Silver lining!!! I am married to a bloody rock of a man who has endless patience for my bitching and moaning! I woke up from my nap with him on the other couch, quietly munching on a pear and playing on his smart phone. He had even bought me a wee present – the Jamie Oliver 30 min meal cookbook I’ve wanted for over a year now. Such a gem!! He knew I’d had a bad day and that I’ve hated my job for months so his attempt to cheer me up was in lieu of this. It worked 🙂 I love Jamie Oliver and those 30 min meals are delicious!!! I gave Scott a hug and a kiss and shed a few small tears saying “I’ve had too many bad days lately”.

The nap and the present had me feeling more like myself so I cooked dinner even though it was Scott’s turn. After dinner we went for a walk around the lifestyle blocks that surround our street and when I got home I watched the rest of the Sex and the City movie. A shitty day had turned into quite a nice evening.

Sleep, love and cook books – all so good for the soul.